Denial

Far too many pianists out there live in a fairy tale world. I have mentioned before that one of the key elements of getting over stage fright is being completely honest with oneself. If every time you play in public it is a complete mess, maybe it isn't just the nerves' fault. It might be that every time you play, you are making a complete mess but are only aware of it when you are in front of an audience and have no other option but to plod on and finish what you started- no second chances, no do-overs. It may be that you are living in denial.

The possibility for denial haunts musicians every day, all the time. The sources of self-delusion are many, including parents, friends and teachers.

Are you actually practicing, or are you just deluding yourself into thinking that you are practicing? Perhaps you are sitting in a small room with your instrument every day for hours on end without actually practicing, just playing over and over. Maybe instead of trying to make progress when you practice, you are just fulfilling a requirement, so you won't feel guilty at the end of the day, when you sit in front of the TV.

You kept stopping and hesitating at that recital, was it bad because of nerves, or uncomfortable shoes? Perhaps it was bad because even after months of practicing a piece, you never actually sat down and played it from top to bottom without stopping or repeating yourself.

Every single one of your students has carpal tunnel syndrome or tendinitis. Maybe it's that nasty cold wave we've been having? Maybe they practice too much. Perhaps there is a serious problem with the technique that you teach.

You practice hours on end and do everything your teacher tells you to do. Your teacher has a big name and everyone says he is good, he is intimidating in class and talks really big. Even so, it seems that your results at master-classes, auditions and competitions have been severely lacking since you started with him. Every time you get an outside opinion, they eat you alive! Maybe you are just stupid or slow, as your teacher keeps telling you. Perhaps your teacher isn't as good as your friends tell you. Maybe his fame comes from being related to a more accomplished musician, or because there simply isn't any competition in your area.

We tend to make excuses for ourselves and for our teachers. Identifying a problem is the first step towards solving it. Unfortunately, many of us tend to ignore the problem and live in denial. Convince ourselves that it is not there. All those recitals were a disaster because of the crying baby, or the stomach cramps. We carry around all sorts of impressive scores, that must mean that we actually play them well! The sheet music is full of scribbling in all sorts of pretty colors, that must mean that you really know the piece. And if you spend hours and hours locked in a room, that somehow means that you practice a lot and are doing your best.

Stop living in denial now.

There are three basic principles that can help you see behind all the smoke and mirrors that our mind creates.

The best way to judge something is by the end result. You are not a good musician because you practice ten hours a day. You are not a good teacher because you studied at the best possible school. The good pianist/violinist/conductor is the one that plays or conducts well. The good teacher is the one that produces good musicians. That's it. The same goes for methods. Comparing the '"Russian school'" vs the "German school"  vs the "Himalayan school" of piano has no point unless you are actually looking at the results each one gives. There are two kinds of teachers and methods. The ones that turn out good musicians, and the ones that don't, regardless of their origins, methodology, color, smell or taste.

Things don't happen without a reason. "Just because" is never an explanation. Every single note you play wrong, every single problem you have with a student or with an interpretation has a cause. There is no esoteric mystic cause to problems. If nerves constantly beat you when you play, than maybe you are not practicing how to play with nerves. Play for people, use your imagination and do some role-playing when you practice. Imagine the crowd, play from beginning to end, as if you were in the situation. If you sometimes mess up the same passage in a piece of music, maybe you are not understanding completely what is going on there, or you having trouble maintaining your concentration. In fact, if you are having trouble maintaining your concentration when you play, it might be because you practice with an unfocused mind, without paying attention. If your students are consistently messing something up, there is probably a problem with something that you are teaching them. Things happen for a reason, and one of the key elements of good practicing and good teaching is identifying the causes of each problem and solving them. Learning how to accurately solve problems is the goal of taking piano lessons, just remember that to prevent denial, Occam's Razor is your friend. The simplest most direct solution is usually the best. If three of your students have developed a strange painful bump on their wrists. Then it may be that one practices too much, the other practices too little and does not listen to you, and the other one was carrying heavy stuff and it's been very cold lately- or maybe you are just teaching them wrong. Specially if you've got those weird bumps yourself.

An objective observer is your best friend. Your grandma will tell you that you are her little Jascha Heifetz, your teacher might constantly heap on the praise in front of the other students, you might be the best kazoo player in the whole county (probably because you are the only one). In the end, the best thing you can do for your playing is to get as many outside informed opinions as you can. Attend masterclasses, conferences and competitions. Take an occasional lesson with other qualified teachers, or listen in ; if your teacher is really good, he should not object, provided you do so in a respectful manner to all involved and don't go sneaking around. You can be your own best judge, but it is almost impossible to be objective while you play. Record yourself, on video if you can, and sit down and listen. Criticize yourself. The first few times, I can guarantee that the results will be really bad, but over time you will get better. Most important of all, you will get to know yourself and have a real idea of your playing. That way, when you go out in public, it won't catch you by surprise.

Denial is a terrible thing. If you tend to cry after your recitals and be depressed about how terrible your playing was, or if you tend to run out of your recitals and don't actually even finish, you need to sit down and think. Exploring your own personality is as important as practicing for every musician. Just remember not to confuse being honest with yourself, with being nasty to yourself. Avoid negative thinking since it is also denial, but in the other direction. All you have to do is be honest with yourself when you do some self-examination and do everything that you can to get to the point at where you can be happy with the results.